A few weeks ago I was one of several experts interviewed for a project by The Relationship Advice Café on the subject of break-ups. (Listen to Helen’s interview here.) Shortly after that I lost a loved one: my 9-year-old dog. These two events occurring so closely together showed me first-hand how similar the emotions and process of grieving the loss of a loved one are. Whether that loss occurred as the result of a passing or by a breakup, there is a similarity in the feeling of loss. After all, the break up is the passing of a relationship.
Often when there is a break up, the loss experienced is of the relationship or the partnership and may or may not have anything to do with the loss of involvement with that particular person. Doubting this? Have you ever been the one to end a relationship and although you have some relief that it is over, you also felt some kind of loss? In some cases it may have caused you to question whether you did the right thing by breaking up. You may have considered contacting them; maybe you actually did contact them; or perhaps you even reached out for some proverbial “break-up-sex.” Why? Because even though you didn’t want to be in a relationship with that person, you experienced a loss of some kind and wanted to fill that empty space you felt.
Having spent time thinking about breakups for the interview, discussing them with the interviewer, and then going through the passing of my dog so immediately following, I came to one theory. The only difference between the grief of a break-up and the grief of a passing loved one is that with the passing of a loved one, there is no hope they will ever come back into your life. No possibility of chance encounters, or hearing through the rumor mill what they are up to. In a break up, whether you are the breaker or the breakee, you’ve lost the relationship, which in a sense, is a loved one, even if the other party in the relationship is no longer considered a loved-one.
What does this have to do with Feng Shui? Feng Shui is definitely a factor in how a relationship goes; not the only factor, but a substantial factor none-the-less. Feng Shui also impacts the recovery period after a loss.
Often when we experience a loss, a mild or temporary feeling of depression can set in. This in turn has us hibernate. We lose motivation to plan activities, get dressed, get out of bed, put a smile on our face, or even take a shower. So where are we? At home; often alone. Our home becomes our ally, the one that we count on. The more in-balance our environment is, the more soothing and healing it will be to us during this time of loss and adjustment. It can be a place that comforts us and helps us move forward, or it can be a place that adds to the feeling of depression, lost and lack of hope.
When a home has been balanced at the direction of a professional Feng Shui consultant, the energy allows for healing, allows for opportunities and allows for support to show up from a number of sources. When talking about finding a relationship, a balanced environment helps us attract the best relationships for us and make better choices regarding relationships. You can jump-start this by adding items to your environment that represent and support the relationship you would like. For example, if you dance, have artwork depicting couples dancing. If you enjoy eating out, have artwork of people seated at sidewalk bistro tables. Also be sure to remove the items that don’t support your ideal relationship goals. No relationship is always “roses,” and Feng Shui won’t magically make every relationship perfect. It can, however, help you clearly see the relationship for what it is and what it may not be, enabling you to make wiser choices on whether to continue or not. Sometimes it’s best to cut your losses and move on rather than staying in a stagnant relationship, making room for a new and better-for-you relationship to show up.
Make sure your home is a happy place for you. Make sure it invokes feelings of joy, optimism and enthusiasm. Do you have reminders around of the lost loved one? How do they make you feel? Do they make you miss them more or do they make you feel close to them, as if they are still there with you? Each person is different, so identify and honor your feelings.
For some, they need to leave everything where it’s at. Others may want to clear out everything so there are no reminders. Remember this doesn’t have to be permanent. If you clear things out, you can add items back gradually as you are ready. Add the items that come to mind, put a smile on your face, or that you find yourself missing.
If you decide to leave everything in its original place, as time passes, pay attention to your reaction to each item. If you find yourself avoiding looking at a particular item, remove it, at least for now. If you find yourself feeling sad or lonely when you look at an item, remove that item. Whether adding or subtracting items, one by one you will find the perfect blend for you. You may be surprised at which items feel good and which items don’t. Pay attention to this and treat each item accordingly and you will be on your way to feeling happy, inspired and reassured that you will have love in your life or that your loved one is around you spiritually, waiting for you to one day join them.